星期五, 1月 13, 2006

文化人類學 - 《菊花與劍》

因為老師在課堂上一直不斷的提到這本書《菊花與劍》,所以我從理工圖書館借了回來看。閱讀的感想是:描寫細膩甚至有點嫌它囉哩囉嗦……實在讓人看不下去。在寫這篇讀後感時,我也只閱讀了前面的100頁。至於囉哩囉嗦的原因可能這本書原本是要寫給西方人看的而且年代久遠,我身為一個東方人,身在一個網路發達資訊交流蓬勃發展的時代下去看這本書,文化衝擊可能沒有比西方來得大,也因為從小就可以接觸日劇,對日本文化可能已經有一定的認識上的加強。

當然,文化在每一個人身上內化而不自覺,當我用我對自己文化的理解去理解《菊》時,文化便顯得是相對的。但是,如果要真正的認識一個文化,則應該將每個文化看作是獨立的去認識。我想,作者會寫出這本囉哩囉嗦的書原因也只有一個:企圖讓日本文化與他相對的西方文化獨立出來。這一點可以從作者對日文字義的解釋上看出:嘗試對應到西方文化的辭彙(相對),但也同時指出與西方詞彙字義上不同的地方(獨立)。

《菊》一開始講的是二次大戰時的日本。看了之後……開始明白什麼是日軍的暴力。我是馬來西亞人,馬來西亞曾經被日本統治3年08個月,我們(大馬人)不會忘記這個數字「3年08個月」,因為我們從國小時就被「教育」,種種因素(社會)叫你不能忘記。環境(教育)要我們記住,前輩會講一些故事,彷彿每每叫我們不要忘記那「仇恨」。但是,我們有離那個年代太遠了,如果不是「再教育」(re-education),從新理解與認識這段歷史,我或許還在一種困惑中:我們這一帶看日劇,迷日劇偶像;同時前輩又不停提醒你那段歷史,困惑的不是要放棄迷日劇偶像(當然在我們都在叛逆期的那個時候,這個可能性也太低了),而是為什麼前輩要不停的提醒你呢?或許,我還仍然迷失在「過去的已經過去」的想法中。顯然的,我們經歷的是一個活生生的文化衝擊。文化就是要你這樣那樣,彷彿沒有一個「為什麼要這樣做的理由」(或許也沒有理由)。也或許,「再教育」是一種將這「仇恨」昇華的方式之一。

書中也剖析了日本的社會階級論理觀念,同時帶著讀者深入的探討日本人中「恩」的意義。書中作者用了在《東京精神分析雜誌》中的「一封年老男人的信」(page 98~101) 最讓我明白「恩」為何物。信中男人的妻子很早去世,孩子長大後,他為一位風塵女子贖身安頓在家做女傭(他說的)。兒女、媳婦、女婿因此瞧不起他。其中精神分析師的回應非常有趣:
『我同情您長久守?之苦,但您卻用這一點來使兒女承受您的「恩」,並確為您目前的行為辯護。』『其實您的真正目的是要把她(被男人贖身的風塵女子)當作母親的代用品。我不認為應還沒有母親還能生存下去──因此,我勸你選擇上述的第二條路』『第二條路:「恢復做一個平凡的人」(去除您的虛偽),打破您的兒女心目中對你的理想幻影。』
正如作者寫道:精神分析師即具有佛洛伊德色彩又有日本特色。

其實,透過這本書認識日本文化的優點就是能夠跟隨作者從很多現象(角度)去認識得更透徹,同時也使這本書的閱讀起來有冗長、沉悶的缺點。或許,這也是《菊》的投射(笑)。更有趣的是作者為《菊》命名時將武士刀稱作劍,或許是作者的幽默吧(笑)。

性格心理學 - John Lennon

高中的時候就很喜歡Beatles,更正確來說是著迷,從網路收集了他們的故事與歌詞,印出來有300頁之多,花了一些時間看他們的故事。認識John Lennon,並成為我的第一個偶像。湊巧在知道要寫報告時,在網路上找到Imagine John Lennon這部自傳式的紀錄片,於是自然而然成了我的題材。

為什麼是披頭四?為什麼約翰藍儂成為了我的偶像?這背後的脈絡到底又是怎麼一個來龍去脈?追尋過去回憶,當時捧著一大本厚厚的,自己從網路找到的資料下載後,再經過一翻編輯排版然後印出來的《披頭四歌詞與背後意義與他們的故事》,細細的一個字一個字的咀嚼(雖然當時英文也不太好,但是卻對它著迷得很,一天一天下來還真的越看越懂)。在當時高中的生活,對生活意義的思考發燒的青春期的我,深深被那個60年代的披頭四魅力吸引。還記得那首歌……

Strawberry Fields Forever, Living is easy with eyes closed...
Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about, Strawberry Fields Forever...
《Strawberry Field Forever》

原本想只是用影片來完成我的報告,但是看完影片一遍再看了一遍,我又對約翰藍儂產生了更大的興趣,於是上網找了很多的資料來閱讀。作業變成了自己的興趣,享受其中,也對自己的偶像有更深成的了解。雖然如此,我發現網路上的資料其實還蠻多都是東抄西抄的,所以還是有一些想知道的故事沒有辦法更全面的認識與理解,是比較遺憾的一點。

為了報告呈現的方式煩惱了幾天,遲遲不肯動筆,主要原因是(一)為了不要只是重述與翻譯一遍影片內容,去寫(看)一個人(二)引用網路的資料,而不是只做翻譯。於是,之後你會看到我的報告呈現方式是以擷取資料並陳述我的觀點,而不會另做翻譯。陳述的方式:事件-我的感覺-我的理解。

雖然已經盡求報告完整、有條有理,但由於完成報告時間緊迫,報告可能顯得草率並雜亂,希望導師與助教多多包容。另外附上影片與資料,方便參考。

John Lennon

Cynthia had recently informed John that she was pregnant: "I watched his face drain of all its colour, and fear and panic crept into his eyes. He was speechless for what seemed an age. I stared at him, my heart pounding so fast that I thought I would pass out. Once he was over the initial shock he replied: 'There's only one thing for it Cyn, we'll have to get married.'"

It is generally acknowledged that Lennon slapped his first wife, Cynthia, at least once in the early years of their relationship, as confirmed in her book, "John". The rise of Beatlemania and rigors of touring, of course, only furthered the strain on the relationship. He was also very distant to his son, Julian, who felt closer to Paul McCartney than to his father. As the younger Lennon later said, "I've never really wanted to know the truth about how dad was with me. There was some very negative stuff talked about me — like when he said I'd come out of a whiskey bottle on a Saturday night. Stuff like that. You think, where's the love in that? Paul and I used to hang about quite a bit — more than dad and I did. We had a great friendship going and there seems to be far more pictures of me and Paul playing together at that age than there are pictures of me and my dad."
It is to be noted that John brings up his seemingly uncaring abandoning of Julian in his song "Mother".

顯然,他還沒長大(沒有能力去愛,也沒有能力接受愛)。結婚象徵著責任,投射的是他父親的對他和他媽的不負責。

On 9 November 1966, after their (Beatles) final tour ended and right after he had wrapped up filming a minor role in the film How I Won the War, Lennon visited an art exhibit of Yoko Ono's at the Indica art gallery in London. Lennon began his love affair with Ono in 1968 after returning from India and leaving his estranged wife Cynthia, who filed for divorce later that year.

與Yoko結識象徵著一個開始:一份愛的開始,找回「失去的父母的愛」的開始,愛與被愛的開始。

Following the Beatles' split in 1970, he released the John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band album, a raw, brutally personal record, heavily influenced by Arthur Janov's Primal therapy, which Lennon had undergone previously.

Primal therapy is a trauma-based psychotherapy developed and popularized by Arthur Janov, Ph.D. During therapy the patient is encouraged to cry, scream, and beat objects to express childhood, perinatal and prenatal feelings.

約翰藍儂曾經接受過Arthur Janov的心理分析,於是我在網上搜尋有關約翰藍儂曾接受到底是什麼治療--Primal therapy。發現原來Primal therapy心理治療理論是建立於「愛」在出生早期對心理與神經發展的研究上。其中「吶喊」是治療的一部分……

Mother

(clock chiming)
Mother, you had me but I never had you,
I wanted you but you didn't want me,
So I got to tell you,
Goodbye, goodbye.
Farther, you left me but I never left you,
I needed you but you didn't need me,
So I got to tell you,
Goodbye, goodbye.
Children, don't do what I have done,
I couldn't walk and I tried to run,
So I got to tell you,
Goodbye, goodbye.
Mama don't go,  Daddy come home.
Mama don't go,  Daddy come home…

During this period, Julia and her baby were kept by her father and sister Anne. On Alfred's return, Julia's father asked him how he thought his wife and child had been faring and Alfred replied: "I knew she had you." Julia told her husband to get lost and their marriage was to end soon afterwards.

In the spring of 1944 Julia met a Welsh soldier by the name of Taffy Williams. They saw each other regularly for six months until Julia discovered she was pregnant with his child. Taffy wanted Julia to come and live with him but wasn't willing to take John. Julia wouldn't abandon her son and the lovers parted.

However he (John) said of Julia: "I did see my mother now and again, and my feeling never died off for her. I often thought of her … She [Mimi] said she was a long, long way away." In fact Julia lived a mere three miles away.

Love

Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved

Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
we can be

Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needed to be loved

這麼說來,如果這個治療或多或少給了約翰藍儂一些啟發,那麼他也有可能在這時期因為接受治療有了痊癒的跡象,雖然我無法得知他在什麼時候開始接受這個治療,但我看見他看起來有在努力痊癒的樣子,從他後來寫的歌、與孩子的關係、與Yoko的關係,他變得有能力去愛與被愛。
閱讀約翰藍儂的歌詞,他的愛用Fromm的「愛」來解釋,是完全相輔相成的。他的人生更像是在印證「愛」。1970他開始要找回自己失去的愛……

God

God is a Concept by which we measure our pain
I'll say it again
God is a Concept by which we measure our pain

I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in I-ching
I don't believe in Bible
I don't believe in Tarot

I don't believe in Hitler
I don't believe in Jesus
I don't believe in Kennedy
I don't believe in Buddha

I don't believe in Mantra
I don't believe in Gita
I don't believe in Yoga
I don't believe in Kings

I don't believe in Elvis
I don't believe in Zimmerman
I don't believe in Beatles
I just believe in me...and that reality

The dream is over
What can I say? the Dream is Over
Yesterday I was the Dreamweaver
But now I'm reborn
I was the Walrus
But now I'm John and
so dear friends you'll just have to carry on
The Dream is over.

『他已獲得了謙卑之情,以感知自己的界限,以至於知道他對上帝一無所知。對他來說,上帝是一個象徵,象徵著人類在進化的早期所努力爭取的一切之整體,象徵著 精神領域、愛、真理與正義。他對於「上帝」所代表的那些原則具有信仰;他心中思念著真理,又以愛及正義為生活依據,並且認為,生命之所以對他有價值,只因為生命給他以機會去更為充分的展用他的人性力量--而這是唯一重要的事,是他「無上關懷」的唯一目標;而最後,關於上帝,他終至一句話不說,甚至根本不提他的名字。因此,愛上帝--設若他還沿用這句話--的意義乃是渴望獲得充分的愛之能力,是實現「上帝」所象徵的、具備在人之內心的真理。』《愛的藝術》Erich Fromm

約翰藍儂離開披頭四的第一張專輯《John Lennon / Plastic Ono Band》(1970),其中一首歌《God》完全表達出他個人的立場/心境,而這樣的一個心境對應到Fromm在《愛的藝術》的這一段講述對神的愛,在我看來是完全吻合的。因為性格心理學這堂課讓我有機會接觸Fromm並找來了《愛的藝術》的翻譯本,念完後發現自己也處於這樣的狀態,因此特意將這一段摘錄下來,沒想到這麼巧在這裡用上了。

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

In 1973, Lennon's personal life fell into disrepair when Yoko kicked John out of the house. Yoko approached May Pang, their personal assistant at the time, with a unique proposal. Yoko, who thought May Pang to be an "ideal companion" for John, asked her to "be with John and to help him out and see to it that he gets whatever he wanted." John and May soon moved to Los Angeles which had been dubbed the "lost weekend" though it lasted until the beginning of 1975. During their time together, May encouraged John to spend time with his son, Julian Lennon, and became friends with Cynthia Lennon. Though John's public drunkenness had been the subject of gossip during 1974, Pang wrote that John was usually sober in his private life and created a large body of work.

Stand By Me

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
No I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darling, darling stand by me
Stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me.

這個時候的約翰藍儂說自己像是自己18,19歲的那時候。酒醉後,他咆哮。我想:Yoko離開他,像是當年母親的離開。而他自己也覺得他應該離開,一個人靜一靜的同時,像是他的父親的離開。「離開」在約翰藍儂的生命中佔了大部分。此時,他的要解決的問題不再是Yoko的離去那麼簡單,他面對的是自己對於「離開」這回事、他的童年、他早期對於「離開」的痛苦。

I was out of control and nobody was looking after me.
I needed somebody to love me and there was nobody there,
And I would fell apart...

於是,他回到Yoko的身邊。

Woman

Woman I can hardly express,
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness,
After all I'm forever in your debt,
And woman I will try express,
My inner feelings and thankfullness,
For showing me the meaning of succsess,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands,
And woman hold me close to your heart,
However, distant don't keep us apart,
After all it is written in the stars,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,

Woman please let me explain,
I never mean(t) to cause you sorrow or pain,
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah)....

At this point Yoko was pregnant with what would be their first child, and Lennon — saddened by the fact that due to Beatlemania he had never gotten to experience fatherhood with his first son Julian — retired from music and dedicated himself to family life.

Alfred was rarely home as he was often at sea with the merchant navy.
During this period, Julia and her baby were kept by her father and sister Anne. On Alfred's return, Julia's father asked him how he thought his wife and child had been faring and Alfred replied: "I knew she had you." Julia told her husband to get lost and their marriage was to end soon afterwards.
Alfred remembers: "He runs out and jumps on my knee, asking if she's coming back. That's obviously what he wanted. I said no, he had to decide whether to stay with me or go with her … John ran after her. That was the last I saw or heard of him until I was told he'd become a Beatle." John Lennon chose to be with his mother.

Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)

Close your eyes,
Have no fear,
The monsters gone,
He's on the run and your daddy's here,

Beautiful, Beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,
Say a little prayer,
Every day in every way,
It's getting better and better,

Beautiful, Beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,
I can hardly wait,
To see you to come of age,
But I guess we'll both,
Just have to be patient,
Yes it's a long way to go,
But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful, Beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy,
Darling, Darling, Darling Sean.

《Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)》寫給Sean和Julian的同時寫給自己。約翰藍儂的父親常出海,對他疏於照顧(可以說不曾照顧)。沒有得到父親的愛是他畢生的遺憾。

Starting Over

Our life together is so precious together,
We have grown - we have grown,
Although our love is still special,
Let's take our chance and fly away somewhere alone,

It's been so long since we took the time,
No-one's to blame,
I know time flies so quikly,
But when I see you darling,
It's like we both are falling in love again,
It'll be just like starting over - starting over,

Everyday we used to make it love,
Why can't we be making love nice and easy,
It's time to spread our wing's and fly,
Don't let another day go by my love,
It'll be just like starting over - starting over,

Why don't we take off alone,
Take a trip far, far away,
We'll be together on our own again,
Like we used to in the early days,
Well, well, well darling,

It's been so long since we took the time,
No-one's to blame,
I know time flies so quikly,
But when I see you darling,
It's like we both are falling in love again,
It'll be just like starting over - starting over,

Everyday we used to make it love,
Why can't we be making love nice and easy,
It's time to spread our wing's and fly,
Don't let another day go by my love,
It'll be just like starting over - starting over,

Our life together is so precious together,
We have grown - we have grown,
Although our love is still special,
Let's take our chance and fly away somewhere alone.

《Double Fantasy》(1980)約翰藍儂的最後一張專輯,與上一個專輯《Shaved Fish》(1975)發行日期隔了5年之久。這五年對他的意義之重大可以從這張專輯聽出,他在這段時間專心的做一個父親,一個丈夫,沒有音樂,甚至沒有一次主動向兒子提出自己的身分,直到二兒子Sean在電視上看見披頭四。專心做一個父親對他是重要的。可以說他《Help Me To Help Myself》的在發展自己的愛,也正是他從小就失去的愛。學習去愛更是Erich Fromm強調的。

"(Just Like) Starting Over" began climbing the singles charts, and Lennon started thinking about a brand new world tour.

In the late afternoon of 8 December 1980, in New York City, Mark David Chapman met Lennon as he left his home in the Dakota building for a recording session and got his copy of Double Fantasy autographed. This goodwill gesture of Lennon signing an album for a presumed fan was caught by a photographer present, and would be published on the front page of the New York Daily News later that week. Chapman remained in the vicinity of the Dakota building for most of the day as a fireworks demonstration in nearby Central Park distracted the doorman and passers-by.
Later that evening, Lennon and Ono returned to their apartment from recording Ono's single "Walking on Thin Ice" for their next album. At 10.50pm, their limousine pulled up to the entrance of the Dakota. Ono got out of the car first, followed by Lennon. As Ono went in, Lennon glanced at Chapman, then proceeded on through the entrance to the building.

As Lennon walked past him, Chapman calmly called out "Mr. Lennon?" As Lennon turned, Chapman crouched into what witnesses called a "combat" stance and fired five hollowpoint bullets. One bullet missed, but four bullets entered Lennon's back and shoulder. One of the four bullets fatally pierced his aorta.
Chapman stood there, holding his .38 Charter Arms revolver, which was pulled out of his hands and kicked away by Jose Perdomo who then asked "What have you done, what have you done?", to which Chapman replied "I just shot John Lennon." Chapman then calmly took his coat off, placed it at his feet, took out a copy of J.D. Salinger's novel, The Catcher in the Rye, and started reading. Police arrived within minutes, to find Chapman still waiting quietly outside, still reading the book.
The two officers transported Lennon to Roosevelt Hospital in the back of their squad car as they thought Lennon was too badly hurt to take the risk of waiting for an ambulance. Despite extensive resuscitative efforts in the Emergency Department, Lennon had lost over 80% of his blood volume and died of shock at the age of 40.

When asked once in the 1960s how he expected to die, Lennon's offhand answer was "I'll probably be popped off by some loony." In retrospect, although Lennon might have meant it as a joke and did not expect it to happen, the comment turned out to be chillingly accurate. Another chillingly accurate comment was made in his last interview, where he mentioned that he often felt that somebody was stalking him: first it was federal agents in the 1970s trying to deport him and later the obsessed fan in 1980.

Mark David Chapman, murderer of musician John Lennon, was carrying the book when he was arrested immediately after the murder and referred to it in his statement to police shortly thereafter. Oddly enough, Lennon had been reading the book at the time of his death.

我想:如果說這次寫報告最大的收穫是什麼,那應該是發現《麥田捕手》與約翰藍儂之死的喜劇性關係。約翰藍儂登上了世界的舞台,他戲劇性的死亡,我想在他這個充滿戲劇性的人生劃上戲劇性的句點,實在沒有一個結局比這個恰當。雖然已經無法驗證,他的死法到底是不是因為自己的「禍從口出」,又或許他是有意的無意。如果說是潛意識主宰了這個人,或許他的死就想他的生一樣被他的主人(潛意識)主宰著。"I'll probably be popped off by some loony." 潛意識的「放話」,招來了「聽見」的人Mark David Chapman。這樣想或許太荒謬、一竅不通,但這是我在看這件事感覺到的。雖然現實最終歸回法律、道德與理性,但我覺得,如果不是透過想像力,則約翰藍儂的死永遠只能用「被瘋子槍殺了」這樣一個「事實」去解釋。但「瘋子」又是那麼不能用「理性」去解釋他的行為的。

資料參考:
  1. http://www.iamthebeatles.com/index-2.html
  2. http://www.lennon.net/timeline/1940.shtml
  3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Lennon
  4. http://johnlennon.lyrics.info/
  5. http://www.primaltherapy.com/SEO/primal_theory_overview.shtml

星期日, 1月 01, 2006

Tavistock Group

Trainning Group
小團體中的每一個成員都是ㄧ個獨特有趣的個體在互動著,這個團體經驗到的是和諧(harmony)。我經驗一種尊重,這種尊重是:我尊重你的想法,因為我可以接受你是一個獨立的個體,你可以有你自己的想法,但並不代表我接受你的一切。我們是一個小團體,我們是這個團體的成員,我們可以說享有平等的權利。我們表現出友善,與互動者建立良好的關係,避免被排擠的焦慮。
在這個團體中,認同這個團體的存在如認同自己在這個團體的存在一樣重要。也因為這樣,有效的互動是必要的,彷彿從他者的回應證明自己的存在,是有趣的現象。話題總是被有意無意的提出,也被有意無意的回應,也被有意無意的轉移,唯一可以肯定的是我們都在「努力」過這90分鐘的小組時間。「努力」的部份並不能用難過或悲觀來形容,這裡的努力進行的形式是積極的(至少從表面上看),我們透過話題,認識(或有點理解)對方的世界(想法)。

Tavistock Group
網路文化
大團體給我的感覺像網路的使用,龐大的數據量讓人窒息。電腦、mp3隨身聽、書籍類似網路信箱的垃圾信件攔截器,「我」可以隨我的喜歡開啟與刪除每一封信。同時是一種觀察團體的掩飾也是將自己隱形1(invisible) 。我常常會在大團體中提到一些感覺經驗的東西和一個比較世界性的角度的想法。我自己的解讀是:
(一)我認為某些心理歷程(情感的部份)是世界一同的,不是一群人獨有的,同時與人處在的環境與文化交互影響而表現出個人的,獨特的詮釋方式。
(二)我本身在這團體就像我在團體中的存在時那麼近(可見)的,但我所談的東西卻是那麼遙遠(抽象)的;我認真的投入這個團體,但我經常察覺我的情感的部份是被壓抑的。被壓抑下來的部份是一些私人的、脆弱(不想被人靠近)的。我在團體中找不到親密感是我不想讓自己太暴露。我是自由的同時我不自由。

個體與團體
這個團體中的個體差異還蠻大的,可以感覺到兩個明顯的世代。我們每一個發言的人個自帶著自己的生活背景,因為我們從不同的成長時空接受了不同世代的訊息。我們(X)2不自覺的被我們處在的環境塑造,在沒有相對的不同環境成長的對象(Y)比較下,我們的思想變成絕對,與對象產生隔閡。有趣的是,同時代的一群人又因個人成長環境因素的不同,在接收一個大時代(涉及大範圍影響整個地區的人的心理狀態的事件:教改)的影響的同時有一些細部的不同(成長環境:父母教養)而長成許許多多不一樣的X1, X2, X3, X……, X∞。結果是我們的談話大部分是在澄清自己的立場。
「我們要做些什麼」的X世代
帶著心理學的背景,我坐在這個團體就是要做什麼……
個人色彩的Y世代
高度資本主義世代的反資本主義之誕生:個體化(individualism) 。我們變成了《2100全民開講》。


團體的開始像平常的海,海浪一波一波的:交頭接耳、mp3、電腦、書籍、獨處、自在
同時暗流在悄悄的流動:焦慮在人群中流動
一個浪擊起來了:突然有人站起來,說了什麼
浪推下去,恢復平靜:沒人接上話
另一波浪起了,但不會是同一個浪:有人回應,有的是針對剛剛的話回應,有的不是
浪越來越頻密:越來越多人開始說話
浪越來越大…… 有時只是浪大了點,有時颱風、颶風、海嘯……

寫報告的過程:經驗、觀察與行動
報告寫到一半,我覺得很煩,因為好像不管我怎麼寫下去,我都沒辦法寫出些什麼好東西。為不能突破感到焦慮和開始失望。要突破的是我需要一些新的想法去整理/解釋團體到底發生了什麼事。或許我本來就不必試著去解釋什麼,但我很明顯有這樣的動機。
或許我的焦慮,來自我在思想上的孤單,渴望智慧的出現。我在被自己的潛意識控制著,我壓仰了我的焦慮,我將我的情感投射,看見他人的焦慮。我應該寫更多有關我自己在團體中的經驗與觀察,但我都沒寫(原本計畫要寫)。我覺得團體的焦慮由我而來(可能不只我)。突然有種感覺:團體中的對話,其實大部分只是防衛機制在作祟……

自由
如果心理學是研究人類心理歷程與外顯行為的一門科學,那麼這起的經驗告訴我:研究這個團體的外顯行為就像佛洛伊德講的人格的意識部份(只是冰山的一角),心理歷程的探討才是前意識的部份。我們有了經驗、觀察團體的機會,也能在這團體中行動,我們有這個自由(意識);相對的,我們如何去經驗、觀察這個團體和在裡頭行動,反而給我無力感,因為我們不自由(潛意識)。
__________
註解:
  1. 隱形:在Instant Messenger (msn etc.)中將自己顯示為離線或離開。
  2. X:X世代 (X-Generation)在實際年齡上比Y世代(Y-Generation)來得大。

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